I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow. This is a common example of a marriage vow said at many weddings. However, what ever happened to, “till death do us part”? In the United States over 80% of all people marry by the age of 40. By having a healthy marriage the child is introduced to a happy home in which they are protected from physical, mental and emotional abuse. By entering into a divorce the children in the home are more likely to experience negative long-term effects than those in intact homes. Contrary to pro-divorce arguments that divorce is usually good for a child or only causes short-term damage; studies such as the Wallerstein Study show that divorce results in many negative effects that are long term. These effects include trouble with relationships, psychological issues, and an increased rate of poverty.
Divorce is a legal discontinuation of the marriage between two parents. It takes place for various reasons such as too much arguing, lack of commitment, unrealistic expectations, and abuse. Currently, approximately 40 to 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The problem arises because around 40% of these couples have children. (APA) Prior to recent times, many psychologists believed the effects of divorce to be only short term. However, studies such as the Wallerstein study by Judith Wallerstein and the National Survey on Divorce conducted by Norval Glenn and Elizabeth Marquardt prove effects to be long lasting.
Myths about divorce provide many of our current attitudes towards divorce. Wallerstein states in The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, “The first holds that if the parents are happier the children will be happier, too.” (Wallerstein, Intro). This myth is founded upon research that proves children to be more resilient to events like this and the idea that adults simply cannot see things from the same perspective of the child and how they perceive certain events. Recently this widely believed ideology has been disproven through many reports by authority figures which show the overall suffering the children affected faced. While this view is no longer believed by many people it still continues to shape our personal beliefs on divorce to this day (Wallerstein, Intro). Another widely believed myth is established off of the grounds that divorce affects people most negatively, at the time of the breakup. Here the belief allows the jump to the conclusion that the effects are only short term and will be resolved promptly. Between Two Worlds by Elizabeth Marquardt addresses this philosophy from personal experience and states, “Aiming for a ‘good divorce’ might help adults feel better about their decision to divorce that has been thrust upon them, but the stories of children of divorce show that it is wrong and misleading to describe our experience as ‘good’.”(Marquardt, 171) This misguided fable, as clean cut as it sounds, opens the gateway to an increasing amount of problems in the future. Because this myth is so widely accepted, those who need guidance are often prevented from getting much-needed help.
Today the pro-divorced argument is becoming even more popular. In Why a Good Divorce is better than a Bad Marriage, Sember states, “A bad marriage is an open wound that can never heal as the scab is picked off again and again, no matter how hard the parents try to keep things together for the sake of the kids.” The main dilemma with the pro-divorce argument is that it claims divorce is beneficial to a child since it introduces peace into the home. Even though it is evident that a “good divorce” is still better than a bad marriage, it is still not ideal. While many will agree that divorce is often appropriate in the case of abuse or an affair existing in the marriage; since when did fleeing problems and placing unnecessary burdens on your child become looked upon as favorable and peaceful? In 2014 alone, there were approximately 2,100,000 marriages and 945,000 divorces. This statistic illustrates the overuse of divorce. Although the pro-divorce argument claims that a good example is provided, the problem arises when there is no one to set an example. It is a known fact that children learn by example. However, how can you learn something you have never been taught? Not only does divorce create unnecessary hardship, but it affects how a child grows up. Because of this, they essentially become young adults at an early age, thus missing out on their childhood. “The day my parents divorced was the day my childhood ended.” says a young girl in the book. (Marquardt, Foreword) While many researchers claim many divorces to be “good divorces” many children affected claim otherwise. The author of Black, White, and Jewish Rebecca Walker claims to be the product of a “good divorce” however, she later admits she had to take it upon herself to stay close to both her parents and often never knew where she belonged in life. This sense of misplacement in life can often lead to various problems in the future such as depression and anxiety. This begs the question, “Is a ‘good divorce’ really better than a bad marriage?”